What I would say to my younger (wild) self
Including: Your insignificance is astronomical, and that is such a comfort later, I promise.
I am in my late (ahem, very late) 40’s and finally feeling like I belong in my own skin. I am doing the thing that feels like my soul’s purpose - creating wildlife inspired art and writing about the wild and how we connect to what we are a part of (but have been apart from). In essence, I am connecting to the wild in pigment and words, and I feel…aligned, and I am only grounding more and more, growing my roots ever deeper still.
In my 20’s I skirted around a deep connection with the wild in a number of ways, but ultimately, as someone who can be very cerebral and academic as well, I ended up pursuing a career and ongoing studies that, while of service to the community as a whole, only took me further and further away from the wild.
If I could have my time again, if I could go back and tenderly hold early 20’s Natalie’s face in my hands, look deep into her eyes, these are the 10 things I would lovingly tell her. I know there are no time machines, and I know that we have to go through the things we have in order to get to where we are, but wow, a shortcut and a (potential) life of greater fulfilment sure would have been nice! 25 plus more years doing what I am doing now? How could I not wish for that.
Anyway, here are a list of things about how I have gained insight from in weaving a connection to the wild, inside and out, that I wish I knew in my 20’s.
I would love to know if you can relate.
one
There is so much going on outside our gaze. You feel like the sun in your 20’s, as though you and your feelings and experiences are as big as they can get, that people can’t possibly understand all that you know, and feel, and that so much of life revolves around you. But there is so much going on outside your gaze, our kin going about living their lives and blissfully unaware of you. Your insignificance is astronomical, and that is such a comfort later, I promise.
two
You think you have a big imagination, but there is nothing that you can think up that nature hasn’t made or solved for, or sculpted. Nature is so much more complex and astounding than your thoughts. You will be completely flawed daily as you start to open up to the intricacy of a feather, the evolution of a creature into a tiny environmental niche, the properties of a plant, the ways trees talk to and care for each other.
three
Pretty or conventionally aesthetically pleasing is lovely, is not only subjective, it is also relative. There is so much more to anything when approached with curiosity and awe - it is the unexpected delights, the creatures that societal norms have not found appealing that are truly where the magic is, or more of the magic, anyway. This applies to you, too.
four
There are more colours than you can name (or again, imagine), and when you try to represent these using conventional art supplies you will be humbled immensely at how difficult it is to replicate them, even when you layer multiple colours to try.
five
You will be unable to fathom for your entire life that an otter has 500,000 and 1,000,000 hairs per square inch of skin. You will go to the grave thinking about how so many hairs can possibly fit in that square inch of fur. And always you will shake your head with amazement and a wonder that is so all pervasive that it is almost untouchable.
six
Eye to eye connection with wild beings is one of the most powerful things you will ever experience. You can get a sense of it through a photo, but on the rare opportunity a wild being and yourself get to look into each other's eyes, your soul will be laid bare and your heart and mind cracked open.
seven
You will become obsessed with eyes, knowing this is the means not only for your own connection, but to help others to connect as well. While eye to eye connection will be a profundity on a personal level, your personal obsession with rendering eyes will be a catalyst for other’s connection
eight
You will fall in love with a particular area or environmental type (Alpine forests), and it will be the first place your imagination and comfort will take you when you are low, and it is wonderful. You will want to explore it more, to know all of the ins and outs and discover the undiscoverable
nine
You will cry tears of joy and deepest sadness over the behaviour and lives of our more-than-human kin. Not because you “have become a softy”, but because you recognise their very beingness, their complexity and absoluteness and know and feel what they do too. You recognise them as kin, and they share a humanity no different to your own
ten
You will learn to shapeshift.
Tell me, do you feel a deeper connection with nature and your own wild self at the age you are now? What wonders and joys would you like to tell your younger self?
PS: Did you catch the release of these 6 new wild wonders? Original artwork filled with love and beauty and waiting for you to hang where you can lovingly connect with them daily.
Beautiful! It’s crazy how long it sometimes takes us to understand/learn/realise lessons/ourselves. Despite the time, wonderful that you did arrive to the place you are now. AND, this is the first time I’m your art work - it’s stunning. And indeed, the EYES!!
I'm in my late (very late 😉) twenties, and I loved reading your list. Your first point is slowly starting to sink in and it is indeed strangely comforting. Even though writing is more my form of 'art', number four feels very true as well. The more I write the more I discover how hard it sometimes is to capture feelings and sensations in words. Replicating them in writing is also a humbling experience.