In a little over a week, I will be celebrating my one year anniversary of writing over here on Substack. This morning I revisited my first post, Intertwined, prickly, and abundant and it still holds true, still speaks to my core. Yet so much has happened these last twelve months, I can scarcely believe I am the same human being I was at this time last year. Indeed, July 2022 feels like it was a good decade ago. And still, some of the most important things remain the same,
“I knew that this is what I would be doing for the rest of my life - translating connection, curiosity and wonder from my own wild heart to paper and canvas using pigments, and sharing it with you. I see my work as a conduit for connection.”
I have been exploring deeply these last few weeks. So much of this year has been existing, now is time for exploring. Getting curiouser and curiouser, asking a lot of “I wonder if” and “I wonder how” and as a result I am embracing some calming clarity. I am loosening my grasp on fear and scarcity, embodying fluidity and surrender, and holding my arms (and heart) wide open to hope. If you have been here with me for even a moment you will know that my imagination is rife, I have no shortage of ideas that I can become wildly enthusiastic about and then abandon like a bower bird chasing the next shiny thing, can plan the death out of something (and then not follow through to completion anyway), and if there were gold stars for perfectionism, my wall would be plastered with them. Often all of this is happening at once, and it can get very loud and overwhelming inside this head of mine.
Do you feel the same, sometimes?
I have had varying levels of shame and emotional/intellectual discomfort about this over the years, using these traits (skills) as a way to beat myself up, support a negative inner dialogue and a deep sense of not belonging or being worthy (even to myself). I’ll not fight against that anymore, but allow myself to really embrace these qualities, within a more supportive structure that dares to celebrate those aspects of my complexity. Even perfectionism. It is not all negative, perfectionism, I am coming to realise. It allows me to observe detail, to embrace growth and skill building. Time to use all of these superpowers for good, rather than against myself. Giving myself permission to be who I am without reserve, knowing that I am kind, and smart, and what I am doing is important, has also given me permission to release a lot of the ‘shoulds’ I have tucked into myself and all around me, and to just find joy. It is my middle name after all. I hope that me sharing this also gives you your own permission to do the same.
The Wild Forgotten I close my eyes and feel that cold snow-kissed wind move through and around me. Frost tipped, bracing, clarifying. My winter heart is a cold blue flame, my lungs unencumbered, drinking in the exhalation of trees. I open my arms wide (wild). Breathe in. Stripped bare, exposed, reverent. Eyes still closed, I remember who I am. Breathe out. I remember the strong legs of fur that I run through the forest with. I remember the howl that starts deep in my core and releases as a song that shakes mountains. I remember the wild wings unfurling, soaring, plummeting, gliding. I remember powerful eyes that see life over vast distances, in layers of complexity and desire, each being empowered and alive and utterly authentic. I remember my cold belly sliding over moss and leaf and seeing mushrooms eye to eye. I remember my movement fluid like the river, sensuous and curling and undulating. I remember that I am wild. I remember that I am the wild forgotten. ~July 2023
The project I alluded to last week is still brewing, slowly, slowly, and with each pondering I am getting ever more excited to start building the foundations that will allow me to share it with you (and indeed, for you to participate in). And aside from that, there has been a red-thread that has been searching for a way to tie together some of the other things I am working on in a way that is beautiful, supportive, nourishing, for me, and for you. I thought this might be through a completely different and separate project altogether, however getting curious, exploring, allowed the red-thread to show me it is just that, a weaving (and you know how I like my tapestry of life metaphors) of the core tenets of why I am doing what I am doing.
A name I have had in my head for a couple of years encompasses this whole adventure - the collections of artwork I want to delve deep into, the writing my heart wants to move deeper into, the curiosity and exploration of our relationship to the wild, and how much we have forgotten as our world ‘develops’.
So, The Brambles has had a name change. One that reflects so much of what my work (and my heart) is about. Seeing the new page name at the top of this page makes me happier than you can know. Naturally, it empowers and fuels my desire to keep going, to embrace a slow, deep growth like the trees I adore, and to keep a wild and curious open heart like the other-than-human beings that I learn so much from.
Welcome to The Wild Forgotten, dear ones. I am so honoured you are here.
PS - a very exciting mini project is coming up later this week that I hope with all my fingers and toes crossed that you will participate in. Very low pressure, just a few words from hopefully more than just a few of you, and we will make some wild community magic together. Until then, may your wild heart be free!
I love the new name! And I relate to feeling like you have an idea factory in your head, every one of them planned to the tiniest details, but they never quite get started. Definitely not finished. Letting go of the notion that I have to carry through with every idea that pops into my head has been such a relief for me, too. I’m really excited to see what you’ve been working on!
Beautiful! I love the new name. Can’t wait to see/rears/feel what treasure you bring forth.