Dearest,
I am sharing this on both my publications because it is BIG and SCARY and TRUTHFUL and APPARENTLY FILLED WITH CAPITAL LETTERS BUT I PROMISE I’M NOT SHOUTING. It feels really vulnerable to do this, and honestly, if this happened even a few months ago, I would never have shared. But this year has taught me a lot, and I trust you with this vulnerability, because I am sure you know how it feels too.
So I am sorry if you get this twice. Just means I love you twice :)
I just had a little (very big) freak out. To be honest, it has been coming all day. Well since I laid my head on my pillow veeeery late last night (or was it early this morning?). Once I got my breathing under control and convinced my body we weren’t in imminent danger from velociraptors, I took my own advice (painful, right) and wrote about it as quickly as I could - fingers flying over the keyboard. And then I thought, fluff it, I will record me reading it too. So here it is. Excuse the fumbles and nervous laughter. And I am much calmer now, and getting back to this freaking important work that I am completely honoured to be doing (rather than just freaking out).
But also, I want you to know that if you are feeling fear or resistance around your creativity, you are so not alone. I see you, my friend, and am right there beside you.
I am going to get some tea, and a piece of chocolate, and keep working.
Big love to you all.
Oh heyyyy,
So I just wanted to pop in here and tell you that fear and resistance is a perfectly natural part of the process of being a creative. And I am telling you this right now, because I am telling myself that right now.
I am writing the content for the first week of The Wild Sketchbook Sanctuary (down to the wire, as always) and ooof, I am butting up hard against fear and resistance.
Fear that I don’t know what I am talking about, I mean who would want to learn from me, I am not even that good an artist, and I haven’t being doing this long enough, and resistance to sharing my knowledge and experience because what if I am wrong, I’ve been doing it wrong all along, and this is a terrible idea, and everyone will see all my mistakes, and I wrote too many words and put people off, and maybe I should just go have a nap. Because, honestly, ALL I WANT TO DO is help everyone who has a wild heart and creative curiosity to make art. And what if I do it wrong.
Andddd breathe.
Fear and resistance is part of the creative process.
It doesn’t ever go away entirely, but it is not always a bad thing either. But we can be curious about where that is coming from, and ask some questions that help bring our nervous systems back to more even keel - because in the midst of all those big scary thoughts your body decided we were in big trouble, like flesh eating monsters coming from all sides, and she was ready to help you run, or get stabby, or lay down and go to sleep, or offer the monsters tea and strawberries as a form of appeasement.
Some questions to ask when we look at a blank page (or blank Google document with a flashing curser and a WEEK ONE header) and want to sketch or paint or be creative in some way, but feel fear, are
What flavour of fear is this?
Fear comes in eleventy-seven flavours.
Is it
Fear of starting
Fear of making mistakes
Fear of wasting time
Fear of wasting the good supplies
Fear of not being good enough/producing masterpieces (which also encompasses fear of looking silly or feeling exposed)
Is it fear showing up as boredom or comparison?
Is it genuine fatigue?
Think about how you would talk to a wee one if they came to you with the same fears.
Hopefully you wouldn’t just tell them to ignore it and push through (though I know many of us have been told that A LOT). I am sure you would respond with kindness and compassion. You would find words of encouragement to share, and acknowledge that yeah, this stuff can be really hard, but also let them know that the biggest thing is that you keep showing up. Which takes courage. Some challenges can be good. They are just enough to give you more spaciousness, to expand, to learn and grow. That you can be curious and ask “what if” questions. You look for ways to find connection to the process, to people who love the same things you do, to the wild beings and wild world that you adore.
So I am taking my own advice.
What if I were to be honest about how this can all be difficult, even if you do it full time.
What if I let everyone know that creating this content is a real challenge, BUT, it is a challenge of the most deliciously stretchy kind - because I know, I KNOW, that this work is important and that it will help others find safety in a bit of stretching too.
What if doing this work, making this course, it is a little itchy, a little scratchy right now, but leads to me gathering the most beautiful group of wild and open hearted people together, and lets us be conscious change makers and a support system for each other and the way we honour the wild world?
What if I let you all know that even in the discomfort, my heart is cracking wide open in creating this work, I have more joy and excitement about this than I had anticipated, even though I knew from the start that this, THIS, is how I want to be of service. I so wish someone had gathered these thoughts together somewhere for me to read and work through 5 or 6 or 7 years ago (and maybe they had, but I didn’t find them).
What if I were to let you all know that I don’t know everything, and that I am glad about that, because I love learning. And I want to learn with and from you, too.
And what if I were to be honest - and you can always count on me to be honest - and say that there are no secret formulas to, well, anything. Certainly there is no secret formula to becoming an artist, or working in sketchbooks. There is only practice and process and passion. The work is in the doing, and I can only show you how I work, and hope that it inspires you to find your own way - because ultimately, that is the truth. There are as many paths as there are artists, there is no one way, no right way, there is only the way that is filled with compassion and curiosity - for yourself and your work.
And this turned out to be much longer than I was expecting, so I will stop now. Got to get back to the course creation. It is going to be beautiful, and unfinished, and imperfect - but it will grow and evolve, like we all do. And you will get to be a part of all that growth and evolution and expansion too, if you join. I would love for you to be there to help me make it as inclusive and supportive as possible.
Go make art, my friend, whatever that looks like for you. We need your creativity now more than ever.
(and send me some chilli chocolate and strawberries to get me through the next couple of days if you wouldn’t mind - thanks!)
The Wild Sketchbook Sanctuary is open!
A four week adventure, The Wild Sketchbook Sanctuary is more than tutorials. It is more than mindset work. It is more than supportive practises for you to implement. It embraces the complex, multifaceted nature that creating is, providing spaciousness for your humanity, encouraging your curiosity, and empowering your connection to the wild that inspires you.
Help me create the most amazingly supportive program.
Participants in this round will get a special introductory price, which will increase significantly for subsequent rounds. Plus, with lifetime access, plus the opportunity to participate in all future sessions, you can be a part of a sketchbook community for all the years to come.
Your feedback as we work through each week will help me ensure I am creating the most beautiful space for us all to be the creatives our wild-hearts know we can be (and this wild world needs).
You, my darling woman, are THE REAL THING. You are wild. You are passionate. You are honest. You are fear-full and fear-less. You are strong and kind and loving and gentle. You create so others can breathe out. Others support you so you can breathe out.
Oh, how divine you are!
May you, in those many long hours of remembering to breathe, may you remember the owls and ravens, the wolves and wise women, the magpies and deer, the leaves and the trees, the bees and the rain....and in the remembering, may you feel them all hold you and hug you and THANK YOU for inviting others to remember them too.
In honour of your greatness.
I'm right with you, butting up against those same things. So freaking pleased you wrote about this here. Even though you are on the other side of the world, I feel less alone in my fear and resistance. A massive thank you from lil ol' me here on the Isle of Wight!